Deer In Headlights Syndrome.

Music:  Nothing---waiting for Windows Media to load up.
Weather:  Scary windy.  "Debby" is kicking things around in Florida.
Mood:  Meh to the negative.  I have a pit in the bottom of my stomach.  (this is how ulcers start)

This decision about the house is really unsettling me.  I feel like a deer must feel caught in the headlights.  Sometimes, I am absolutely paralyzed about what to do, but I can't let this keep me from making the choice---and soon.  I just feel really PUNY when facing all of this going head to head with the bank thing.  Who doesn't?  Imagine an tiny ant at the base of a massive dark mountain; that's about where I'm standing now.  Of course; this sounds like an exaggeration---it even feels a little like one and yet; it's both real and exaggerated.  Surely though, a decision in any direction MUST be better than all this!

As the years have gone by, I've learned a few things---that I understand many things even less.  You would think it would be the other way around.  Especially when it comes to PEOPLE, the more I know, the LESS I know.  I find myself wishing lately for the days of my childhood naivety.  I sometimes yearn for that one slice of ignorant bliss on a china plate---and a hug from my mother.

I've actually thought about packing up my clay for awhile; but something tells me this isn't the thing to do.  Perhaps I should listen, eh?

On a separate note:  stevia in my hot tea rather than sugar is NOT good.  ULGH.  Perhaps organic sugar is the way to go.  I've cut out so many things in my diet, you wouldn't believe me.  (Especially when you see I'm still a fatty)  I'm still waiting for the pounds to start sliding off.  It's uh.  . . it's not happening yet.  I'm even doing a bit of Yoga!  I have a fruit smoothie in the morning, a pure veggie smoothie in the afternoon with some nuts and usually a meal of beans at night.  I have whole grain pasta for dinner once in awhile with just squash, tomatoes, onions, garlic and mushrooms tossed in---YUM!  The vegetarian thing (along with an attempt at vegan) originally started for health reasons, but an unexpected spiritual component kind of bunny-hopped on into my mental cavity and has become the main reason for it.

I am going down a strange road folks!  (said in my best Elmer Fudd voice)

Peace All,

the DragonLady

Music while writing:  LOTR: The Fellowship of the Rings
Weather:  a nice rainy night.  I adore rainy weather.
Mood:  Meh---that's a favorite word in this house.

Okay, so a new friend has encouraged me to update my posts at least once a week, so here goes. . .

My brain just says "Piffle" when it comes to writing unexpectedly.  Hear that Patricia?  My brain cells are going WTH??!  Time to send them on an adventure. 


I have a big decision to make:  Whether or not to keep our house.  I'm sure many of you can relate, we've had a tough few years.  This 'choice' has taken up a great deal of space in my 'happiness' place---and I'm not happy about that.  Neither is my family because I am driving them nuts.  They are of the consensus that we should 'walk away'---whilst working with the bank of course.  I'm still dithering however.  I have been warned that dithering and stewing "serves absolutely no purpose" and that I must approach this "with only hard numbers and facts".

Of course this advice is very sound and works well for sane, mature people---I never profess to be either of those things.  I question my sanity some days.  We won't get into matters concerning my 'maturity'.  I don't create while in the midst of a long stewing session.  With the exception of crocheting, nearly every other project gets stopped in its tracks.  I can feel Ms. Regi's finger wagging at me, because not creating probably makes it all worse.  I get almost nothing done when I'm like this.  I just literally marinate in it---and I know a few of you do the same thing!

On a far more positive note, my son just graduated from college--- with honors!  He's EARNED every bit of his Bachelor's degree in Digital Film and Video production.  I am not usually at a loss for words, but I am in this instance; 'proud' just doesn't cut it, but proud (for lack of a better word) we are.  It was so awesome to see him walk up there and accept his award and then later, his degree.  Watch out New York!  Matt James is coming to town!

He and a good friend recently won "Best Florida Film" at the Florida Sunscreen Film Festival for their short film "Blueberry Pale Ale".  This charming little film is now working its way around the country in various other film festivals. Again, that word 'proud' doesn't come close.  http://www.blueberrypalealethemovie.com/

Of course, being newly graduated; he is looking for work, but he is making good use of this 'downtime'.  He is also working on another short film called "Infinite Nightmare".  http://www.indiegogo.com/infinitenightmare?c=home


This one has a more 'epic' feel to it.  My daughter has been 'hired' to do all the make-up in the film; to include that of the 'nightmare' creature.  I am amazed that she has learned everything for sculpting and casting a mold for latex masks on her own.  I think she's found her thing.  We should all find our own thing, yea?


My kids amaze me all the time.  There's that word again:  proud.  


Peace All,
the DragonLady